From Sketches to Studios

 From Sketches to Studios 

When did you start dreaming of what you want to become when you grow up?

I was around 8 or 9, sitting at our balcony drawing buildings I could see nearby. That’s when my grandmother saw me and asked if I wanted to be an architect. I didn't quite understand what she meant so I asked. “Architects design buildings”, she said. That fascinated me. She said it so casually but the word lingered in my mind- ‘Architect’. The first time I ever heard that word. And for a kid who never knew if you could become anything other than a doctor, engineer or a teacher; designing buildings was more fascinating.

As the years passed the word got meaning, I got to know the complexity of the profession. I wasn't very studious growing up. So I was hesitant to even dream of getting into architecture cause it almost felt unrealistic and that I wasn't cut out for a field so complex.

But I've always been creative and knew I wanted to get into a profession that would let my art come to life and not bound me by set rules. But I couldn't voice my interest as I lacked the confidence. So every time someone would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up, I answered with “I don’t know.” That made a lot of people think I was ambitionless for a greater part of my life. But I was okay being judged as ambitionless than saying I want to get into architecture and risking failure.

Over the years, architecture remained a quiet but persistent dream. 

Fast forward to university admissions, I finally got into my dream school and the field that captivated me as a child. I stepped into the studio and the adrenaline kicked in. 

The high of always being drowned with work was exhilarating. I was living my dreams. But as the semesters passed, it got tougher to handle the pressure.

The constant all-nighters, the regular reviews and submissions, to get to know people and build connections, to maintain a social life and develop skills, to bring in new designs every other day and study for theory quizzes, it got hard to maintain it all. And suddenly the dreams were not as smooth as I imagined.

Now that I am living the dream I once sketched on that balcony, why does the joy of designing feel overshadowed? Why do I break down when my designs don't live up to my extremely high expectations? Am I expecting too much from myself or am I delivering too little? Will I be one of those who leave their degree cause it got too much to handle?

I don't have all the answers yet. But I do know for a fact, that 8 year old me would be ecstatic to know that I get to design buildings as part of my studies. That I dug soil for a bamboo project and that I’m brave enough to chase my dreams regardless of all the difficulties and that my family is proud of it. And for now, that’s enough to keep me moving forward.

Space for Inner Reflection

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